Spam R Us

Wow, has it been that long since I've posted. What a useless twat I am. Can't even blog on a continuing basis.

I've been getting a lot of spam for the past few months. Casino's, Viagra, and oh yes, TD Waterhouse asking for my password and debit card number. And also CIBC ditto.
You pretty much name it and I've gotten it. Think I have finally managed to get my email set up so unless they know my actual name it won't come through.
Few days ago, I received this one from my internet provider (supposedly):

We are deleting all unused ROGERS email account to create more space for new accounts.email account owner that refuses to update his or her account within 48hrs of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.to prevent your account from closing.please send us your email and password to update your email account.confirm your email and password below.

Email :
Password :
Telephone :
Country :
Warning!!! account owner that refuses to update his or her account before 48hrs of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.


I soooooo want to reply to this. But know it will just open me up for billions of more spam coming in. 
Here's samples of more krap I've gotten recently. 

FedEx
Order: SGH-3043-1910427344
Order Date: Monday, 2 December 2012, 12:32 AM
Dear Customer, Your parcel has arrived at the post office at December 7.Our postrider was unable to deliver the parcel to you. To receive a parcel, please, go to the nearest our office and show this postal receipt.
	GET POSTAL RECEIPT
Best Regards, The FedEx Team.

Ah, yes the old "Get postal receipt in the email trick!"
and 

You're receiving this note as a Certified Public Accountant and a member of AICPA. Having problems reading this email? See it in your browser.

Suspension of Public Account Status due to tax return fraud prosecution

Dear accountant officer, We have received a denouncement about your potential interest in income tax fraudulent activity   for one of your employers. In obedience to AICPA Bylaw Head # 740 your Certified Public Accountant status can be cancelled in case of the aiding of submitting of a sham or fraudulent tax return for your client or employer.  Please be notified below and provide explanation of this issue to it within 21 business days. The failure to respond within this time-frame will finish in decline of your Certified Accountant Career. SubmittedReport.pdf

The American Institute of Certified Public Accountants. Not quite sure what to make of this one, but since I didn't ask for it, figure there's a scam in here somewhere.  And lastly, my favourite...

From Mr. David Morris

My greetings of the day to you,

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. 

I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to Starting a business relationship but I believe knowing each other starts from a step of which I believe I am not making a mistake exposing this very important business deal to you? it is my urgent need for a foreign partner that has caused me to send this to you. I apologized if you find this intrusive, but there is an opportunity for both of us to work together and make clean money that is left over for nobody to claim.
Firstly, let me start by identifying myself. My name is Mr. David Morris. I am the Auditor general of the bank. I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer of Ten million seven hundred fifty thousand POUNDS (£10,750.000.00). 

This fund is the excess of what my branch in which I am the manager made as profit during the last three years. I have already submitted an approved End of the Year report to my Head Office here in Ghana and they will never know of this Excess. I have since then, placed this amount of (£10,750.000.00) On a SUSPENSE ACCOUNT without a beneficiary. 

As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money into your bank account. I intend to give 35% of this fund to you while 65% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It is going to be a bank-to-bank transfer to your nominated bank account anywhere of your choice. All I need from you is to stand as the beneficiary of this fund by sending your account details for the immediate transfer of the fund to the account.If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response so that we can proceed with the transfer immediately.

Regards,
Mr. David Morris.