Brother O Mine

Well, haven't been here in a while. Wish I was a better writer, how do you become a better writer?
Write...

My brother passed away suddenly this past summer. His stepson called me to tell me the news.
Hit me with a bag of hammers. How? Why? All I know is I have been missing him desperately.
Just a week or so before his 63rd birthday. Life sucks. And then some. His widow is devastated.
As we all were. However, life goes on no matter what.
So much I want to tell him, and do with him. And now I can't.
Not that we're all getting out of here alive, we're all growing older. And one step closer to joining him and my parents and other close relatives that have already passed.
Miss him so much.
You would think if he had a heart operation just over a year ago that he would have been good to go.
Did they miss something? Was his heart just that weakened? He was at the hospital the day before because his foot was swelling something fierce. I know that's a sign of heart disease from an aunt of my wife who didn't believe the docs and left the hospital only to die there a few weeks later.
His wife was not with him. He was alone, but I like to think he went peacefully which is all any of us could wish for. He had his bad foot up on a footrest (hassock) half a beer beside him on the table and his laptop open still on his lap. So I know it was not violent or painful otherwise he would have moved something. I like to think he just fell asleep and his heart and everything else just stopped.
Very peaceful...certainly sudden. So totally unexpected but that seems to be the way with death.
Unless you have a terminal illness which in itself is still very sad when the person leaves.
Something like this just catches you so off-guard.
Perhaps it's that we all think we will live forever, I still had plans for us. Fishing, visiting, being with him. Maybe one day winding down and expiring. But not like this. No, never like this.
Got a tattoo in his memory. Because he was that important in my life. I don't know if he did.  I hope he knew. Hope he knew just how much he was loved.
Miss you brother. rest now. I'll see you someday. Just not now. Have my own family to live out my life with.  Just as I wish you had the opportunity to live out yours with your family.
xoxo
Blue.